Ante Up!
by Iris Anthe
Summary: The 50-part strip tease...


It was a little known fact in the initial years of Golden Peace after the end of the terrible Mobile Suit Wars that Vice Minister Relena Dorlian, later known as President Relena Yuy, was closely acquainted with the mysterious pilots of the five gundams which had figured so significantly in the blood-soaked forging of that golden time. It was also a little known fact that said pilots were no older than the young politician herself. Miss Dorlian, throughout her long life referred to by many simply as the "Queen" was, as is well known, no older than 16 at the end of the failed Barton-Mariemea coup. Such incredible willpower and strategic ability in one so young had never been witnessed before and may never be seen again. But the fact that that fabulous age produced six indomitable young souls who committed their lives to the forging of the complete pacifism which served as the foundation of our great interstellar civilization of today seems to hold the incredible nature found only in myth. The tale, though doubtless exaggerated in the intervening centuries is, at its core, undeniably true. One can only imagine what such great minds and noble spirits discussed during their periodic strategic conclaves...  
  
*****  
  
"The God of Death has arrived. Let the games begin!"  
  
The door to the cabin swung quietly closed behind the black clad teenager who disappointedly looked around the small den at the very quiet group of young men sitting there.  
  
"Hey guys, don't all say hello at once. GEEZ!"  
  
Duo took a closer look at his "family" of 18 year old war veterans. Trowa was as usual holding position leaning against the most strategically advantageous wall--nothing unusual there. In the center of the room, however, Heero Yuy and Chang Wufei were locked in a testosterone charged glaring and growling contest with Quatre dodging around them, begging them to please just sit down and have a cup of tea.  
  
"Uhhh... did I interrupt something?"  
  
Without changing his stance even the slightest, Wufei growled out, "Yuy broke the cardinal rule."  
  
With deadly cold in his voice, Heero replied, "I don't compromise a mission for any reason."  
  
They began circling each other as Duo stood scratching his head trying to figure out which cardinal rule Wufei was talking about. Just as the tension between the two looked to be near its exploding point, the distinct sound of a toilet flushing could be heard from the back of the cabin. Everyone froze and Duo began to have a sneaking suspicion as to why Wufei was looking so much crankier than usual. Footsteps could be heard approaching down the hall, and before long the distinctive swish of silk culminated in the appearance of a honey blond female in the doorway.  
  
"You brought Relena??"  
  
Relena looked up from the somewhat disturbing scene in the middle of the room to the new figure standing before the front door.  
  
"Hello Duo. You're here as well. How lucky! It's been so long since we saw each other last," and Relena gave Duo one of those breathtakingly sincere smiles that had the ability to move entire nations to commit noble acts of sacrifice and love.  
  
"Hm. Well at least SHE knows how to greet a guy!"  
  
"She's NOT allowed!" screamed Wufei only to meet with Heero's swift fist in his face.  
  
"HEERO! Stop that, this instant! What do you think you're doing?"  
  
Relena ran down to physically place herself in front of Wufei. Heero, disgruntled that she would move to defend his enemy rather than himself let out a quick, "Hn" of annoyance and stalked away.  
  
"Women. Get out of my way so I can exact revenge for that cheap shot, girl."  
  
Relena as was her wont simply ignored Wufei and asked in a less than pleased manner of the room in general, "All right, what exactly is going on here?"  
  
Quatre nervously shifted from foot to foot and cleared his throat in an attempt to figure out the most polite way of phrasing his reply, when Duo cut in, "Well princess, it's like this. Twice a year, the five of us get together for an all night game of poker, beer and an occasional bit of conversation." This said with a pointedly sarcastic glance at Trowa, Wufei and Heero in turn. "The thing is, no one else is supposed to know about it, let alone come along, and well... especially not a girl."  
  
"I see." Relena turned to give a mini-death glare at Heero, who was completely unmoved by her animosity. "I didn't know. Heero neglected to inform me before he brought me here. Your secret is safe with me. I'm terribly sorry for interrupting. I'll leave immediately."  
  
"You're not going anywhere," came the response from the Japanese pilot.  
  
"I will do what I please."  
  
"It's not safe."  
  
"I'll check into a hotel."  
  
"Not an option."  
  
"Then I'll go HOME!"  
  
"Not until Une sends an all clear on the bomb threat."  
  
The other pilots had begun to have the embarrassing feeling of being caught in the middle of what could only be described as the sort of long-standing quarrel usually found only between long-married couples. At the mention of a bomb threat, however, their ears almost visibly perked up.  
  
"Hey, whoa there Heero my man. What bomb threat?"  
  
"Threats. Her house. Her office. Her car, and Preventers headquarters."  
  
"What?!?" This last outburst came from Wufei.  
  
"Sally said to tell you not to worry, she could handle it without you."  
  
"Knowing that woman she's probably going to try disarming it herself!"  
  
"Une has her organizing the evacuations."  
  
Wufei gave a low growl and eyed Relena once more. "Why did you bring her here? Couldn't you leave her someplace else for the night?"  
  
"Excuse me?" Relena rounded angrily at the irate Chinese teen. "I am NOT a package. I am not a MISSION. I am not ABSENT from this room, so don't talk about me AS THOUGH I WEREN'T HERE!!!"  
  
It had been a long day and Relena trembled slightly in her anger as she stood in the center of what she felt was definitely unfriendly territory, before regaining her composure, smoothing her jacket around her hips and walking resolutely towards the front door. Heero began to follow after her while Quatre just sank dejectedly into the couch viewing his one day of relaxation and camaraderie as ruined. Wufei, in the meantime began to feel the strange beginnings of contrition stirring somewhere inside him as he saw her walking away. The truth was, he realized that Heero had in fact made the most strategically logical decision in bringing the oft-targeted Queen of Peace to the highly fortified, completely isolated, unknown location of their poker cabin to be guarded by five former gundam pilots. He just didn't want to admit defeat. But he suddenly saw a way out that wouldn't compromise his pride too severely.  
  
"I bet you don't even know how to play poker."  
  
Relena stopped a foot away from confronting Duo who was blocking the front door. He alone saw the glint of mischief creep into the young woman's eyes. Without turning around she purred, "Why, Wufei... if I didn't know better, I'd think you were asking me to stay." She gave a little smile as she heard him shift uncomfortably behind her. Deciding not to push her luck, she turned around with a completely serene countenance and stated simply, "my whole existence is a game of poker."  
  
The minutes of silence stretched as they only could in this particular group of young people. Even Duo didn't say a word. Finally Quatre stood up and bowing slightly to Relena said, "Miss Relena it would be our honor to guard you for the evening and endeavor to entertain you with a few rounds of poker."  
  
Relena was about to reply when the as yet unheard voice of Trowa Barton gently insinuated itself in low tones from across the room. "Just a moment." Everyone turned to look in his direction, but his eyes were closed. Duo was wondering if he'd maybe imagined hearing him speak, when his one visible eye--the other being completely obscured by a preponderance of straight auburn hair--opened lazily and he said, "if we're going to break the rules, we'll have to up the ante." Quatre felt goosebumps run down his legs as Trowa stared at him in a nearly predatory manner.  
  
"Uh, whadya have in mind T-man?" Duo moved towards the fridge and removed a six-pack of beer. He popped the top off a bottle and took a contemplative gulp, handing another to Trowa. This one social act seemed to clear the air and everyone came over and after taking a beer--even the prim Miss Dorlian, much to the boys' surprise--they all sat down on the couches while Wufei, the admitted pyromaniac of the group, got to work on the fireplace.  
  
"Well, money isn't very important to anyone here. And now that we have a guest, betting on dangerous physical acts is probably out of the question."  
  
"Definitely," came the menacing monotone.  
  
"So perhaps we need to think of something else we would all be unwilling to lose."  
  
Relena had been watching Trowa very carefully throughout this rare speech of his, and being a master of human interaction and silent communication she thought she knew EXACTLY what he wanted to play for. She wore a hidden smile as she glanced at the platinum blond sipping beer on the other couch.  
  
Duo suddenly, quite independently from Trowa's machinations, decided to make a joke. Putting his arm around Relena's shoulders and winking at Wufei by the fire he jeered, "Well I say we play strip poker and see what color undies the princess is wearing." Relena choked on her beer and slapped Duo's hand away.  
  
"They're probably pink," came Wufei's snickering reply as he picked up his beer and joined the group around the coffee table.  
  
"Well, you'll just have to find out, won't you."  
  
"Relena!"  
  
Relena arched an elegant eyebrow at Heero's outburst. Score one for Relena. It wasn't often she could unsettle her stoic bodyguard, and the look of shock in his eyes was absolutely priceless.  
  
"Well Heero? Don't you have faith in my abilities? Or perhaps you're afraid we'll get to see what color underwear YOU have on?"  
  
"......"  
  
"Besides, I have a feeling we'll be seeing Quatre's underwear long before anyone else's."  
  
*****  
  
Many hours and many, MANY beers later, Quatre was still stubbornly holding on to his slacks, though Trowa had had the excruciating pleasure of seeing the top of his pants unbuttoned and rebuttoned repeatedly throughout the course of the night.  
  
Their method of play included two types of chips, red for debit and black for credit. If you lost a round, all red chips placed in front of you during play were redeemed by one of two methods--the removal of an article of clothing, or the unfastening of some fastener amongst the clothes you wore. If you won a round, you collected a black credit chip for every chip on the table, which you could use to ward off any red chips you might earn later, or use to undo the divestiture wrought by any previous losses. Duo to no-one's surprise was found to wear tight, black, cotton underwear, while Trowa managed to make tidy-whities look like the wrapper to a delectable dessert. Quatre was shirtless, shoeless and sockless, but having worn a button-down vest, a button down shirt and an undershirt, and not being THAT bad at poker really; he was as we know still in his pants. Wufei was an excellent player and though he'd lost his shirt, shoes, and the sash for his pants, it wasn't until late in the game that he was discovered to be wearing long, red, silk boxers.  
  
The only two people to remain completely clad throughout the course of the evening were Heero Yuy and Relena Dorlian, though Heero's shoes had come untied more than once.  
  
It is vital to note that though Relena was in fact a brilliant poker player, her state of full attire was greatly helped by the strange fact that every sixth round, whenever it was Heero's turn to deal actually, she was blessed with an incredible series of hands ranging in luck from four aces to a royal flush. This regularly occurring "luck" meant that she had an enormous pile of black credit chips sitting in front of her and that any conservative losses she incurred were easily met by the sacrifice of a black chip or two rather than the removal or unfastening of any article of clothing. She was, to say the least, greatly enjoying the evening.  
  
It was during one of these miraculously lucky rounds that Wufei had the misfortune of losing his recently replaced shoes and shirt, as well as his as yet unconquered pants. To say that he took this loss personally would be an understatement. To say that he was untouched by the jibes from both Duo and Relena as to the flamboyant nature of his undergarments would be an outright lie.  
  
"Enough!" The nearest empty beer bottle toppled from the table as Wufei slammed his fist down. "That woman is only still dressed because Yuy has been protecting her. It is obvious from both of their "luck" that he has been cheating, though I have yet to figure out how."  
  
The room was silent. The hairs on the back of Duo's neck stood on end as he waited for the earlier altercation between Heero and the Chinese pilot to resume. Heero looked as though he were contemplating which of Wufei's arms to tear off first when Relena burst out laughing. "Oh, Wufei. What's the matter? Does it hurt so badly to be beaten by a girl?" She batted her eyelashes coquetishly at the surly young man, who swore profanely in a Chinese dialect known only to himself and his dead ancestors before replying, "The game's not over, woman."  
  
Choosing to ignore the battle banter being batted about, Trowa calmly began shuffling the deck and murmured, "Ante up, whoever's in." He had to prod Quatre awake from his quasi-drunken stupor on the floor to get him to throw in his one chip for ante. With everyone's chips on the table, Trowa began to deal. "Five card stud, nothing wild."  
  
In a mental comment to herself, Relena rephrased the deal as "five studs yet to get wild."  
  
"What was that Miss Relena?" Quatre looked up at her from his spread-eagled position on the floor in front of the couch.  
  
"You're hearing things Q-man. Boy ya give the guy four little beers and look what happens." Duo shook his head in mock disgust, as Relena wondered whether the rumours of Quatre's telepathic abilities were indeed true and reminded herself not to think too loudly in future.  
  
"Yes, more beer," came Quatre's logical response. Which was met with an enthusiastic round of agreement from all parties. Another round of bottles was opened, and Duo made sure that Relena drank at least half of her bottle before letting her hide it with the other barely touched bottles at her feet. He pointedly ignored the glare o' death turned on him by the Vice Minister's overprotective bodyguard, and enjoyed pleasant thoughts about getting a glimpse of her underwear before the night's end.  
  
"I phaassssss..." Quatre tried to speak while at the same time blowing into the neck of his beer bottle. Trowa was thankful that he'd recently recovered his jeans as that simple act of Quatre's seemed to turn all but one part of him into jelly.  
  
"I bid two."  
  
Everyone looked at Wufei at this bid. Generally they tried not to bid much if they had no black chips on the table in front of them to act as insurance. Wufei was out of black chips, in nothing but his long, red, silk boxers and since Trowa had called this round five card stud rather than five card draw, there would be no opportunity for any new cards. Either he'd suddenly decided to become an exhibitionist, he was blinded by beer and manly rage, or he in fact had a phenomenal hand.  
  
Duo, who still had three black chips sitting before him threw in two chips above his ante and said, "Hey Wufie, watcha got there, a pair of twos?" To his disappointment, the mispronunciation of Wufei's name failed to get the usual rise out of the easily explosive pilot. Instead, Wufei was glaring miniature katanas of challenge at the slightly flushed Vice Minister who tended to bid high only when dealt a hand by Heero. Perhaps it was the half-bottle of beer, perhaps it was a different intoxication born from viewing nearly naked, perfectly athletic young men all night, or perhaps it was the seemingly blessed arrangement of her cards, but Relena arched one of those delicate eyebrows and looking heatedly into Wufei's eyes, she moved five chips out and purred to him, "I see your two and raise you three."  
  
Heero, who had contented himself the entire evening with the knowledge that he'd not only protected his precious ward from bomb threats and terrorists, but also from four libidinous young men who'd probably like nothing better than to see her lose her shirt, now leaned forward to growl at her, "Relena, what are you doing?"  
  
Relena on the other hand, who had spent a very long, very hot night, watching everyone but Heero walking around in barely anything at all was feeling considerably more wanton and considerably more frustrated than she'd ever felt in her life. So, sliding her eyes away from Wufei's challenging smirk, she turned full steam towards Heero. She tilted her head and leaned in to her ever frigid bodyguard and in a lovely contralto said, "Not up to the challenge... Heero?"  
  
Heero had two physical responses to her words, but the only one they saw was his fingers picking up five chips and placing them with a clack in front of him.  
  
"I will see you."  
  
Oh no, Heero. I will see YOU, was the very clear thought in Relena's mind. So it's no surprise that Quatre suddenly burst into a snickering laugh. He was quickly silenced by a withering glare from the young woman, however, and so returned to using his beer bottle as a wind instrument.  
  
Trowa, who had no black chips and no hand to speak of quietly folded up his cards and placed them face down on the table. He thought that perhaps with all of the excitement caused by the high stakes betting cycle going on no one would notice if he simply kept his jeans on, and so he practiced the art of quiet silence that he'd found was the best form of camouflage.  
  
Unfortunately for our masterfully silent friend, the platinum blond Adonis sitting on the floor beside him chose that moment to give a large, feline stretch, which resulted in him dropping his half-full bottle of beer right in Trowa's lap.  
  
"......!"  
  
"Oh! Trowa, I'm so sorry. Please let me help!"  
  
Trowa surged to his feet as soon as Quatre began patting his thighs with his discarded undershirt, stammering that he didn't need any help. Duo, who had in fact been thoroughly distracted by the outrageous sexuality being exuded by the normally prim Miss Dorlian suddenly realized that Trowa had yet to shed his jeans. "Hey there T-man! You folded! Time to pay up... off with the pants!"  
  
Quatre, who had managed to keep his undershirt pressed tightly against Trowa's entrancingly muscular thigh, looked up at his beer spill victim and said, "Yes, Trowa. Off with the pants."  
  
Trowa of course did the only reasonable thing, launching himself into a triple-turn back flip out of the room and sprinting for the bathroom, presumably to dry off his pants before removing them. Luckily for the poor boy, no-one noticed just how long he was gone, or how the considerable bulge in his tidy-whities had magically disappeared upon his return. Well, everyone but Quatre of course, who'd been enjoying his view of that bulge for most of the night.  
  
The others were far too enthralled by the drama unfolding in this particular round of betting.  
  
When Trowa had gymnasticated out of the room the bidding was already up to five chips, but that didn't last. After Quatre plopped his chips on the table, Wufei raised the bid once more. "I'll see your three and raise you five." Relena broke out in a veritable catlike grin, as Duo dramatically folded his cards and said, "Too rich for me! I'm keepin' my undies on, thank you very much! Though, if you'd like me to I'd gladly take 'em off for YOU, princess." This was said with a completely ignored wink at Relena, who instead crossed her legs, sat up straight and placed twenty chips on the table before her. "I'll see your five and raise you fifteen." Heero growled from his chair and for nearly five minutes said and did absolutely nothing, simply looking at Relena's crossed knees until finally, without a word he placed the twenty chips on the table. He then sat back and took another sip from his warm beer.  
  
Quatre seemed to have fallen asleep again and after calling his name repeatedly, Wufei was about to kick him in the side when Trowa, looking much more relaxed and carrying his neatly folded jeans in one arm sat back down on the couch and thus jolted Quatre awake. "Tidy-whities!" shouted Quatre to everyone's bafflement, before blinking and inquiring if it was his turn again.  
  
"Yes it's your turn!" came Wufei's exasperated reply.  
  
Quatre picked up his hand and stared quizzically at the arrangement. "Trowa, are these all red?" Quatre had stretched his arm to place his cards before the tall, green-eyed pilot, who raised his visible eyebrow and replied that yes, they were all red. "Are they all diamonds?" Trowa smiled ever so slightly and replied, that no they were not. Quatre brought the cards back down in front of his face and petulantly exclaimed, "These are not very good cards, are they?"  
  
Relena giggled slightly, while Wufei ran a hand slowly across his face. Duo started cackling with hysterical laughter, and Trowa... well Trowa had already calculated exactly how much of a penalty would be extracted from Quatre because of the six chips he'd already bet, minus the three black chips he had in wait. He honestly wasn't sure if he was glad he'd come back from hiding in the bathroom or not.  
  
"Well I guess I should fold then." Quatre primly placed his cards in a neat pile face down on the table before slowly reckoning his debt. "Six minus one, two, threeeee... that leaves threeeeee..." Quatre blinked in surprise and suddenly blushed. "Oh!"  
  
"Hey Q-man, let's see 'em!"  
  
Heero snorted derisively into his beer as Quatre made more than one attempt to stand before finally succeeding. The others began to count along with him. "One," and the button of his slacks came undone. "Two," and he shyly unzipped. "THREE!" and off came his soft woolen slacks, only to reveal purple flannel boxers complete with a gold-stitched monogram of "Q.R.W." at the bottom of one leg, and the word "TUESDAY" clearly embroidered across the waistband.  
  
"Days of the week undies???"  
  
Duo was on the floor choking with mirth, and Wufei felt gratified that someone ELSE was now the butt of the underwear humor rather than himself. Relena was overcome with instant, new-found affection for the blond, Arabian pilot recalling how much she'd enjoyed her own set of days of the week undies when she was a child, and suddenly forgot to be even slightly excited by the sight of him in nothing but his tailor-made skivvies. That was of course, until Quatre turned towards Trowa and tracing an index finger slowly along the waistband of his boxers, said in a breathy sigh that would put Marylin Monroe to shame, "Tuuuuuuesdaayyyyyyy." Suddenly, Relena was very aware of the enormous protrusion poking against the fabric of his boxers, and having two and two finally come together in her mind, realized just exactly what those lumps in everyone's various undergarments really were.  
  
"Oh my gosh!"  
  
She slapped a hand over her mouth and found herself unable to resist looking searchingly at each of the young men's groins. Quatre suddenly sat down on the couch and blushing even more, placed his arms demurely across his lap. Trowa gave a small smile and strategically let his hands dangle between his knees, thus blocking her view. Wufei calmly crossed his legs and acted as though nothing in the least bit unusual was happening. Duo gave her an evil grin and leaning in to whisper loudly in her ear said, "Finally figured it out, your highness?" Relena blushed deeply and uncontrollably looked over at Heero who sat leaning back in the large padded chair, legs akimbo with his beer bottle placed firmly between his legs. She looked up into his eyes, and suddenly felt like SHE was the one with nothing on.  
  
Suddenly, Wufei shifted in his chair with a swish of red silk and looking first at Heero and then with a growing smirk of arrogance starting from her ankles up to her blushing cheeks, said to Relena, "I see your fifteen... and raise you forty-five."  
  
All eyes were on Relena.  
  
But Relena Dorlian, raised in the public eye by the former Vice Foreign Minister of Earth, alias Princess Relena Peacecraft of the dissolved Sank Kingdom, former Queen of the World, and current Vice Minister of Foreign Affairs, who had faced death and betrayal and many an awkward situation in her eighteen years of existence, was never one to back down. And so, with a response that caused Heero Yuy, protector of the peace and bodyguard to the stubborn Miss Dorlian to shoot out of his chair with a loud expletive in Japanese, Relena calmly smoothed her skirt, cleared her throat and counted out the forty-five chips, adding another ten for good measure before sliding them into place before her.  
  
"I'll see you and raise you ten."  
  
Heero stood there menacingly for a minute. He counted the red chips before him, one for the ante plus two, plus three, plus five, plus fifteen. That was twenty-six. He counted his black chips and realized suddenly that he'd been distracted by thoughts of Relena's unclad body. He'd miscalculated. The only way out of the situation was to hope he had a good enough hand and if that failed to try escaping the consequences. After all, no-one could make Heero Yuy do something he didn't want to do. So with the determination born of a clear-headed plan, Heero sat back down and counted out fifty-five chips onto the table and looking at no-one, said absolutely nothing at all.  
  
Relena was giddy with the prospect of seeing Heero utterly naked. Well, the thought of seeing Wufei naked was rather exciting as well but to be honest, having spent the last three years of her life silently in heat over the mop-headed, brown-haired, blue-eyed, sinuously-muscled, closed-mouthed, ever-present, and ever-out-of-reach Heero Yuy, our fair-haired damsel was close to fainting thinking about Heero's particular bulge.  
  
Wufei had had enough. He was pleased that Quatre had succeeded in having far more ridicule worthy underwear than himself. He was beside himself with the thought of humbling the unbeatable Heero Yuy, and he really REALLY wanted to see Relena undress. So, he counted out the extra ten chips placing them precisely before him and with a smug flick of the wrist overturned a royal straight flush in spades. He then stated with relish, "Let's see what you've got, woman."  
  
Relena looked at her cards and blanched. She too had a straight flush, only hers was in clubs and only king high. She stopped to wonder what the odds were of this particular arrangement before primly laying her cards on the table. Everyone was silent. Wufei's grin spread to previously unseen recesses of his face, as he waited for Heero, who coldly turned over three aces and two kings. Duo let out a whoop of excitement and started dancing around the room while Trowa gave himself a silent (ever silent) pat on the back. The invincible had fallen. The only question remaining was whether Heero would let them stick around to see the young Vice Minister completely butt naked.  
  
Heero had his eyes closed in defeat and therefore did not react quickly enough as he was suddenly attacked by Trowa, Duo and Wufei--Quatre was still feeling a little too slow to join in the fun--and was pinned to the floor. "Quatre, quick get some rope from the closet." Quatre looked at Duo in confusion before shrugging and slowly walking to the storage closet near the door and coming back with a long and sturdy coil of woven, nylon rope. The other pilots wasted no time trussing up the violently twisting Japanese boy while Relena sat quietly doing silent calculations in her head.  
  
"I'll kill you! I'll kill you all!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah. We know. But we'll die having seen the Princess nekked. Actually so will you, so quit complaining and enjoy the show." This last bit was said as Trowa prudently used his discarded T-shirt to gag the cursing and biting bodyguard, who was quickly secured to the chair he'd previously occupied with yet another length of rope. Ignoring the furiously struggling pilot, the other 18 year old boys turned to look at the seemingly unperturbed Vice Minister who was carefully subtracting 31 red chips from the pile of 81 sitting before her.   
  
"Well, that takes care of all of my black credit chips, leaving me a debt of fifty."  
  
Even Heero was suddenly quiet in response to the perfect calm in Relena's voice.  
  
"You can't bluff your way out of this one Dorlian, and your savior is out of commission. Before half of those chips are paid, we're going to see more than just your pink panties."  
  
Relena smiled condescendingly at the triumphant Chinese teenager. "Do you really think so, Wufei?"  
  
The others were slowly beginning to wonder how they'd been tricked while Trowa had the presence of mind to double check all bindings on the tied-up Heero. Wufei, however, remained unperturbed. "I don't THINK so, woman. I KNOW so."  
  
Relena flipped her ponytail over her shoulder and with a smirk of private knowledge declared, "Well master Chang, you have obviously never undressed a well-dressed woman."  
  
Wufei did not take kindly to this reference to his complete lack of experience undressing ANY woman let alone a well-dressed one, and ground out, "Quit stalling, Dorlian."  
  
Relena gave a small and utterly provocative smile before nodding her head and sighing, "As you wish."  
  
The boys completely forgot about guarding Heero Yuy. They completely forgot about hiding their anatomies from the girl. They in fact forgot everything they'd ever thought of in their short, but strenuous lives as Relena unbuttoned the top button of her pale silk suit jacket. Duo, happy to watch any girl undress, let alone the most powerful one in the world, jumped over the back of the couch opposite Relena's and started jiggling his legs in anticipation. Trowa and Quatre gulped in unison and took up positions on either side of the braided God of Death. Wufei quickly grabbed his former position in the seat to the left of the boys' couch, opposite Heero's confining chair. This left Relena with a couch all to herself as she began reckoning her debt.  
  
There were three buttons on the left side of her jacket, plus another hidden one inside on the right. By the time she'd gotten the jacket off, primly folding it on the seat next to her, she'd paid for five of her chips. Next she untied the bow around her neck that was attached to the high collar of her blouse, and moved another chip out of her pile. The undone bow revealed two buttons underneath which were followed by six more buttons as she untucked the blouse from her skirt. She quietly removed another eight chips from the pile. Next came the four buttons on her sleeves, two at each wrist, and to the sighs of all five young men off came her blouse only to reveal a lovely, cream silk camisole beneath. Five more chips left the pile, and the boys waited breathlessly for the camisole to come off next.  
  
They were of course disappointed. The next fasteners that Relena attacked were the posts of her small sapphire and gold earrings, which caused Duo to smack his forehead in acknowledgment of her keen intellect. As they were pulled out of her ears, Wufei growled something about cheating under his breath, but seeing that there were still quite a number of chips remaining decided not to disrupt the show.  
  
The next thing to leave Relena's body was her watch, which she managed to require two chips to unfasten and one to actually remove. Being on the theme of buckles, she leaned over, unintentionally giving the boys a peek at what lay beneath the camisole, to unclasp the straps of her shoes. Upon removing them, she counted on her fingers for the earrings, the watch and the shoes and removed eleven more chips from her pile.  
  
Relena paused then and looked up at her rapt audience, and for the first time in her life felt the power of her sexuality course through her body. With a shock of pleasure, the ever-serious Relena suddenly felt voluptuous. She found herself grinning almost as widely as Duo as she stood up from her seat and stretched, before turning to face Heero in his tied-up position and gracefully lifting her left knee onto the seat of the couch giving him a personal view up her straight silk skirt. She was very happy to note the unmistakable enlargement in the crotch of his jeans. The others were just beginning to lean over to try and see what Heero was viewing when Relena folded back the hem of her skirt to reveal that she was wearing silk stockings held in place by the straps of a garter belt.  
  
The young pilots were breathing heavily as Relena's long, elegant fingers deftly undid the four clasps holding her left stocking up and then slid the sheer material down the lusciously soft curves of her leg. They felt overcome with good fortune as she repeated the process for her right leg as well. Even Wufei didn't seem to mind as another ten chips were removed from her pile. Next came an entrancing dance of wriggling and swaying of her hips as Relena slowly dragged the garter belt itself out from under her skirt, finally letting it fall in a lacy heap at her feet.  
  
With a small bit of showmanship blossoming from some hidden depths of the young politician's rapidly beating heart, she deftly lifted the garter belt with the toes of her right foot and extending her bare leg, daintily deposited it in Heero's lap, sending a jolt through his body as though he'd just been electrocuted. Duo leapt from his seat and snatched the lacy undergarment from Heero's trussed up lap and in an oddly reverent manner draped it around his neck with a sigh.  
  
Relena looked down at her pile after the proper amount had been removed. There were still ten chips left. There was a collective gulp of dry throats as the boys tried desperately to calculate just how far ten chips were going to get them with this seemingly endless rank of clasps and fasteners hidden in the young woman's attire.  
  
Relena seemed to be having a similar thought.  
  
Everyone was thinking so hard on this in fact that no-one noticed as Heero's arms momentarily jerked wide and then settled back into their former position behind his back.  
  
Wufei, whose very loose silk boxers were doing nothing to hide his enjoyment of Relena's display suddenly erupted in a cackle of triumph. "Hah! Face it woman, you've lost! Now show us the goods!"  
  
That snapped Relena out of it. With a withering look of disdain at the over-enthusiastic Chang Wufei, she reached inside her camisole and pulled out a small, gold locket. With a look of direct challenge in her eye at each and every one of the five boys, she delicately undid the clasp holding the locket closed without revealing the portrait held within.  
  
"Unfair! Cheater! The girl has no honor!" came the whining cry of anguish from Wufei's corner.  
  
"Shut up, Wu-man, and let the lady do her thing." Trowa and Quatre nodded their heads in agreement to Duo's rebuke.  
  
"Yes. Respect her talent, Wufei. We are witnessing a master at work." Relena smiled gratefully at Trowa for the compliment before sniffing in contempt at the muttering Chinese pilot who was finding it difficult to sit comfortably due to his protracted state of "stimulation."  
  
"Just get on with it, woman," was his only reply.  
  
Relena leaned backwards slightly as she reached behind her neck and undid the clasp on the chain of her necklace. The leaning allowed the necklace to remain around her neck, even though there was in theory nothing holding it there. This meant that it took yet another chip for Relena to simply lean forward and have the necklace slither into her hand and off of her body. All in all the one necklace paid for three of her ten remaining chips.  
  
Relena paused obviously trying to decide what to do next, when to the boys infinite surprise and delight, she reached down to her waist with her arms crossed and with that technique of shirt removal particular only to the female persuasion, lifted it in one quick, and elegant sweep from off her torso. What was revealed was one white lace brassiere with tiny, pink, embroidered roses all along its top edge.  
  
Quatre sat wondering if they made anything so luscious for a man to wear, while Duo sat gnawing on one of the straps of Relena's discarded garter belt that was still around his neck. Trowa sighed out the word, "Roses" and leaning forward, elbows on knees, rested his smiling face in his hands. Wufei eyed the six remaining chips in Relena's pile and discreetly applied pressure to his desperate loins by firmly crossing his legs.  
  
Heero in the meanwhile had developed a small wet circle just to the left of the fly of his jeans.  
  
Relena turned her back on the boys and reaching around to the small of her waist undid the two buttons of her skirt and slowly lowered the zipper below. With a subtle and delightful wiggle of her hips, and a gentle swish of her ponytail, Relena worked the skirt down and off her body, giving the boys an excruciating view of her soft, round bottom, which was in fact clad in powder pink panties, just as Wufei had predicted. Said young man would have crowed in triumph at his prediction coming true had he not suddenly lost the capacity to speak. The only sound was a collective, low groan as Relena turned and revealed one, small, hot pink, satin rose stitched to the waist of her panties just in line with the delectable crevice of her bellybutton.  
  
Relena delicately folded her skirt and placed it on top of the nearly complete pile of her clothes sitting on the couch next to her. She sat daintily at the edge of the cushion, and leaning over, removed all but two of the six chips remaining in front of her. With her knees primly locked together and her back straight, giving the boys an expanse of smooth, soft stomach to ogle, Relena turned to face the captive Heero Yuy. Looking only at him, and feeling her flesh heat with a deep flush while at the same time breaking out in a swift tingle of gooseflesh, she looked deep into his heavy-lidded, prussian blue eyes and running her fingers lightly down the straps of her brassiere and across the textured row of embroidered pink roses, brought her fingers to rest at the clasp between her breasts.  
  
Heero watched in rapt attention as her nipples hardened noticeably beneath the white lace, and felt his heart stop beating as she undid the clasp holding the material in place. To his amazement the tantalizing piece of material did not suddenly fall to the floor. It instead clung tenaciously to each of her pale breasts, revealing only a two inch wide canal of bare skin that seemed to originate somewhere along her jaw line and end only where her panties began. He began to visibly pant as she traced her fingers back up between that magical space to the straps at her shoulders.  
  
Time stood still. The very air ceased its continual motion as Relena's fingers nipped slightly at the straps of her brassiere and Heero felt that he might just end up exploding right in his jeans if those lusciously soft mounds escaped their confinement. Relena's lips parted slightly as she looked at the circle of wetness at the end of the large bulge in Heero's jeans and with a small and wicked smile, reached up behind her head and undid the barrette holding her ponytail in place.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
It was a collective cry of calamitous frustration, as Relena gently shook her hair out to fall cascading across her nearly naked back. Wufei rose from his seat and pointing a finger as well as his noticeable condition in the young woman's direction exclaimed, "You cheated! I DEMAND satisfac--" but before that sentence was completed the distinct click of a gun was heard as Heero leapt out of his supposed prison and placed the muzzle of his gun against Wufei's right temple just as the Chinese pilot had begun to advance on the helpless, and nearly naked Vice Minister.  
  
"You were saying..." came Heero's menacing growl as the other three boys suddenly began grabbing whatever clothing they could find and stumbled over each other to escape the murderous look in Heero's eyes. Wufei's Adam's Apple bobbed up and down as he wondered whether Heero really considered him a friend or not, and whether a friend was safe from death at the hands of the former assassin anyway.  
  
"I wasn't saying anything at all."  
  
Heero swept up the Chinese pilot's clothes from the floor and punched them into his gut. "Night's over. Everybody out." Wufei considered trying to tackle Yuy, but quickly realized that without the others' help his chances of success were not high, and his escape from death was far too welcome to argue with.  
  
Relena remained sitting erect and silent on the couch, her brassiere still stupefyingly clinging to her breasts throughout the commotion stirring around her. Her eyes were focused on the coffee table, and with the poise acquired from a highly public and highly regimented life, she seemed to once again be completely dressed even though her clothing remained in a neat and folded pile beside her.  
  
Quatre and Trowa were ready first. Quatre gave her a sunny smile and winked at her, while Trowa got down on one knee and bowed his head before quickly following Quatre out the door. Wufei avoided looking in Relena's direction whatsoever for fear that the trigger happy bodyguard might take it the wrong way. At the door, however, he paused to throw over his shoulder, "You can come back any time as far as I'm concerned, Relena," before bolting out of the cabin. Duo on the other hand was making an enormous fuss, looking everywhere for his socks. "Maaaaan, where did they go?" He even got so bold as to try looking in the area under Relena's feet when he felt the cold muzzle of Heero's gun pressed into his back. "Hey! Hey! Whoa there Heero, I'm just looking for my socks. They're lucky ya know."  
  
"Not anymore."  
  
Relena giggled slightly at Duo's antics and gave his forearm a discrete tickle with her toes, which caused him to jerk suddenly, knocking his head on the underside of the table. He sat up rubbing what was sure to become a large bump and shook his head at the Vice Minister. "You are definitely much cooler than I ever imagined." With a quick glance in Heero's direction he whispered to her, "I'd give you a peck on the cheek, but I don't want to lose my balls." Relena had to hold her bra in place as she burst out laughing, thus distracting Heero just long enough for Duo to make his escape.  
  
*****  
  
Once Duo was safely on the other side of the front door, he heaved an enormous sigh and sniffing the lace of the garter belt he'd managed to abscond with started cackling madly and running for his black sedan, pulling his pants on as he ran. He found Wufei dressing by his motorcycle and dragged him into the front seat of his car. "What do you want Maxwell? I have to whack off and get some sleep before I go insane."  
  
"Where are Trowa and Quatre? They're gonna miss the show!"  
  
"I don't know where they are. They took off. Trowa was talking some nonsense about roses. What are you talking about?"  
  
"Shhhhhh!!!! Here, take this!" was Duo's excited reply as he handed Wufei an earpiece just like the one he'd just popped into his own right ear. He then fished in the pockets of his leather jacket and pulled out an LCD panel. He tapped a few buttons and up popped an odd-angled view of Relena, sitting on the couch and doing up the front of her bra.  
  
"What?!? Nooooooo... don't do that Relena! We want you to take it off, not put it back ON!" Duo was nearly frantic with dismay while Wufei in amazement asked him how he'd managed to pull this off? Duo briefly, and nearly unintelligibly told him of his supposed hunt for his lucky socks, only to pull them with a grin out of his pants pocket. He then played with some miniature knobs on the LCD panel, and suddenly a tinny audio feed came through the pieces in their ears.  
  
"What now, Heero?"  
  
Duo tried to explain his brilliant maneuver placing the camera in the couch opposite Relena right from the first moment of her strip tease as well as his adventure placing the microphone under the coffee table by her feet, but Wufei just told him to shut the hell up.  
  
"Now, you get your clothes back on and get some sleep."  
  
"Awww, maaaaaaan... that guy has NO sense of reality!"  
  
"Shut UP, Duo!"  
  
"But Heero, we haven't finished this round. Even with all those credit chips of yours, you've still got an awfully large payment to make." They were able to see the Vice Minister bat her eyelashes innocently at the off-screen bodyguard. Her face suddenly became anything but innocent as she said, "The game's not over, and I want to see what color underwear you've got on." The two teens, spying from the car suddenly saw the back of Heero's jeans appear as he came to stand in front of the seated young woman. "I said put your clothing on." They were able to see Relena reach up and run her hand up the side of Heero's leg.  
  
"Oh man. Oh man."  
  
"Shut UP, MAXWELL!!!"  
  
"Heero, I don't think that's what you really want." Relena's hand came to rest on her bodyguard's hip. "I tell you what, Heero. I'll help you finish the game. All you need to do is stand still." With those words, Duo and Wufei had the torture of watching Relena get down on her hands and knees, clad in nothing more than her underwear and begin to unlace Heero's sneakers. "One... two..." once that was accomplished, Heero cooperated in bending his knee so Relena could pull the shoe off his right foot and then again for his left. "Three... four..." Next came his white socks and Relena stood up to throw them across the room. "Five and six..."  
  
Wufei was once again in pain from his excruciatingly excited privates, and Duo was rubbing Relena's garter belt across his teeth wishing more than anything to be Heero Yuy for the night.  
  
Relena now stood in front of her bodyguard, whose back was sill facing Duo's hidden camera. "Now for number seven..." Relena brought her fingers to Heero's sides and slowly pulled the material of his tank top out from the top of his jeans, and then gently began pushing it up until he needed to lift his arms to help her remove the shirt. Heero turned slightly and the boys could practically feel it when the tips of her breasts grazed across their enviable comrade's now bare chest as she stood on tip toes to get his shirt all the way off. "Are you ready for number eight?"  
  
"Yes. Yes. I'm ready. I'm ready!" Wufei made no attempt to shut Duo up, having had the exact same thought.  
  
Relena moved in close looking Heero right in the eye as she placed her hands on the top button of his jeans. "Now let's see what color those underwear are." Without actually looking, however, Relena undid the first button of Heero's button down jeans. "Eight..." The boys could see her elbows moving but her hands were hidden from view. "Nine..." Relena still wasn't looking, but as she undid the third button in the fly of Heero's pants, she suddenly let out a gasp and stepped back. The boys could see her look down in shock at Heero's groin and take another step backwards.  
  
"Whoa, what kinda underwear gives a woman THAT kinda reaction, I wanna know!" Wufei slapped Duo in the back of the head and watched the screen intently, wanting the answer to that very question himself.  
  
"You... you... Is that... Is that your...! Why didn't you tell me you didn't have anything on under there?"  
  
Duo was struck dumb.  
  
Heero advanced towards the suddenly bashful young woman and replied, "Disappointed?" Relena looked up again at the young man in front of her and closed the gap between them. She tilted her head up and received a groaning kiss as she moved her hand inside the gap of Heero's pants.  
  
The two boys in the car unconsciously were clenching their own equivalents of what Relena obviously held in her hand, and in unison gave answering groans of their own.  
  
"Mmmmnng... Heero..."  
  
The kiss got sloppier as Heero began running his hands down her back only to have them settle on her rump as he ground himself into her.  
  
"Oh dear Lord in Heaven. Mother Mary and Baby Jesus." Duo was going cross-eyed with pleasure, when suddenly Heero's jeans came off and were flung onto the opposite couch directly over the miniature camera hidden there. "What?!? NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!!!!" With every exclamation, Duo hit the steering wheel of his car, until finally on the last hit he accidentally sounded the horn.  
  
"HOOOOONNNK!!!"  
  
"Shut the fuck up Maxwell!"  
  
"Heero, what was that noise? It sounded like a horn."  
  
"Ungh... Dunno..."  
  
"Shut up Maxwell. We've still got audio, if you don't give us away."  
  
"How do you unhook this thing, Relena?"  
  
"Mmmf... wait... I'll do it."  
  
"Ahhhh... Relenaaah..."  
  
"Mmheeeero... Heero, I think this is supposed to be easier on a bed."  
  
"No! NO! Don't go to the bed! Stay near the microphone!!"  
  
"Ungh, Relena... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Of course. I didn't mean to make this so cheap... Relena..."  
  
"Yes, Heero?"  
  
"I love you, Relena. I always have and I always will."  
  
"Ah! I love you too, Heero."  
  
"Relena, if I ever see a man looking at you the way my friends were looking at you tonight, I'll kill him."  
  
"Heero, let's just go find the bed."  
  
*****  
  
Upon hearing Heero's declaration of murder for anyone caught doing exactly what they were doing at that moment, Duo and Wufei exchanged a silent look, and Wufei quickly jumped out of the car and hopped onto his motorcycle. They started their engines and raced away from that cabin as fast as their vehicles could go.  
  
No-one ever spoke of that evening's events and Relena never did show up at the semi-annual poker night again. But every now and then the request was made, in secret, to borrow Duo's special tape of the night the great and wonderful Queen Relena did a fifty-piece strip tease just for the five gundam pilots. Needless to say, Heero never found out, and neither did the historians.  



End file.
